remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
