I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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