After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
