Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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