I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude i'm inner monologue high
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
