Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
