I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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