I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
