No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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