I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
