How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
