It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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