I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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