next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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