oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
