The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize