I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
