Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
