Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
