I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
