When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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