you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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