Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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