Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
