i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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