Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
