The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
