I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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