1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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