Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize