The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
