PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
