Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
