On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
