his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
