I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize