3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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