I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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