Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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