Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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