I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
