I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
