I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't put those talents on a resume
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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