i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
