Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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