***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
