you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
