loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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