The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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