WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
