he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
