guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
