maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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