It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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