ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
