Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
