I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
