booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
