Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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