i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
