Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
