Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just tell him i said nine months
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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