margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
