I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
