uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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