i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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