you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
