I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
